Layout: Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Don't judge me!
I've come to realise why is it that although my parents love my sister and me a lot, why do we always feel stressed up around them. Its cause of judgement.
People always tend to judge others including myself. My parents judge me from their point of view. They don't understand me and they never will but they love me a lot.
They judge me for my feelings my actions and my thoughts.
My mum always ask me to be myself with them but i am always unable to. I asked myself why many a times and now i seem to catch a glimpse of why. This is because they judge who i am. And they have never truely accepted me for who i am.
I 've always understood its natural for people to judge others but i guess i always thought that being the most true to my feelings with my family is the best but maybe its not.Cause maybe to me their judgement is weird to me cause i felt the whole world can judge you but at least ur little haven (family) shouldn't. Cause i'm more real with my friends. And this is cause my really close friends don't judge me that much. At least that's what i believe.
Maybe its an innate characteristic that parents will be critical of their children for the sake of improving and re improving one's character. But i suppose the case with my family is that we are really a family of people with ultra different personalities. My Dad is prob a mix of Mel and Chol and my mum Prob a Phleg, my sis prob a mel and me sanchol. Ok maybe its just me lol. HAHA.
Its so hard cux they're always judging me. I can't cry( kena scolded) can't laugh( dad too serious) can't be myself so i'm just quiet at home. I dun really like being at home with my family cause it just reminds me of how not me i am at home. So i usually am in my room at home. ( usually sleeping). I noe its very unfilial of me. But i'm trying hard mum n dad! Maybe as hard as u are too! Spending time with u guys can be very tiring to me cause its a mix feeling. Like i don't know u but i love you very much. And i see all you do as a parent i noe its not easy! And your love for me and sis is something i prob will only understand when i have my own kids.But then again. You have taught me many things. Your good characteristics that me a San dun have WAHAHA. You taught me to learn on my own two feet. You taught me to struggle with my emotions. You taught me by conduct to accept others because of your say only but didn really mean it acceptance of me. I have learnt to see others for the person inside them. Instead of using purely judgement. So many things to learn in life!
I guess i really want to improve my relationship with my family members and i really do love them=D But i guess theres still a long long way man!
I really want my parents to see my strong points as well. Instead of always seeing the bad.I couldn't undertsand my dad perfectionsim(even a holiday also must according to schedule de. Chill man!Work den on schedule, holiday just run ard lah! SO STRESSED FOR WHAT!!) and his anti socialness and my sister's hatred for almost everything. Now i guess is still don't really.
But my Gems teacher taught me about different personalities and when i put my family members into each one and try to understand them it makes it a whole lot easier to see it from their point of view! No wonder MS Rachel said it helped her a lot!
Now i see it from their eyes, it makes them more human to me i guess. I suppose asking a Mel to accept a San child and be a hair pulling experience huh? So i've learnt to be Chol at home. Isn't a bad thing though. (I'm a high san n high Chol, 53,50)Guess they think i'm a scary monster.
WAHAHHA. I wish you could open your heart to see who i am. Don't just say. You don't mean what you say.
Labels: Random
her sweet memory was written @ 8:39 PM